By Guy Blews
I recently did a radio interview about flirting – is it a good thing or a bad thing? Before I did the interview I was ‘prepped’ by the producers who asked me my point of view and then decided I would be a good guest because I was giving a counter argument to the more commonly held beliefs of society.
And what was that argument? – well, to me, it was the logical argument, the argument that is realistic and the one that actually relates to the world we live in, not the world we wish existed. Flirting – is it a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t think it’s either, I think it is just a part of life, a part of life that a baby uses to be loved, a child uses to have friends, a man uses to attract a woman, a woman uses to her advantage, businessmen use to secure a contract and I used to be accepted for the radio show in the first place.
Of course, as with all things, there are consequences to flirting. If you flirt for the ‘right’ reasons and you get what you want in a reciprocal way, then that’s better than flirting to gain an advantage at someone else’s expense. If you flirt, you suggest, if you suggest, you make a form of contract and that contract is then a deal waiting to happen – if you flirt and close the deal, fine, but if you flirt and then don’t close the deal whilst walking away with the prize, then that will not endear you to your fellow man, or woman.
Having said this, it is important that we, as adults, learn to observe flirtation from the position we are holding. For example, if a male boss is being flirted with by a female employee, then he needs to be aware that she might be flirting to gain a promotion or a pay raise, or worse, evidence for a lawsuit. If an employee is being flirted with by an employer, then the employee should be aware that the employer is using their position of power to procure a favorable situation for themselves by virtue of the fact that they are the boss – in both instances, each party should be aware of the reasons for the flirting and the consequences of any actions they might take – flirting is just that, flirting, there are no promises, just suggestions, so if you are the victim of a ’scam’ due to flirting, then you have only yourself to blame – perhaps you should have seen the overall picture, been a little more honest rather than seeing only what you wanted by manipulating the situation to what you wished would be the outcome; or better still, you should have come out with the truth and waited for an honest answer.
Whether it is good or bad is not really the point. Flirting is part of human nature, it has been used by countless generations to further careers, loves and lives; as an observer one would hope that flirting was done with at least some honesty, but the problem with flirting is that it is not direct enough to be honest in the first place, (it is, by its very nature, always skirting around the issue) and so it requires each party to carefully analyze the overall picture to then see the truth behind the actions.
Flirting raises the stakes, heightens the tension, makes the game more enjoyable, creates suspense and involves some mystery – all of these work for the better if they are honestly intended; but only if they are honestly intended.
Guy Blews
Guy Blews is the author of ‘Marriage & How To Avoid It’ and the instigator of Realistic Relationships. He has a blog at http://www.RealisticRelationships.com where he flirts with the idea that there is another way to look at life, where the ‘miseducation’ is discarded in favor of truth, where the fantasy is replaced by reality. His latest book is entitled ‘Realistic Relationships’ and is available at his website.
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